The weekend!

On July 2nd I ran in the "Dirty Girl Run" an obstacle coarse through mud, barefoot, because every once and a while I make bad decisions. This was one of them. The day started out like the rest, I got dressed (in the outfit I picked out at the DI) and drove to Wheeler Farm where I proceded to jump/climb over bails of hay, do the thing where they put tires on the ground, run through freezing cold water (fresh from the melting snow up in the mountains) climb over fences, and crawl through the mud.

As the 'race' started I was jogging and kept up a good pace, as my feet became more and more raw. When I approached the half-way point, I thought about quitting, however, I paid money for the experience, why should I stop? I was limping from that point on, my team-mates asked if I wanted them to wait for me, I told them I would be walking the rest of the way.

The cold water felt good on my feet, they were tender from the rocks. After my team had finished Jeremy came to find me. There I was limping my way down the very rocky road. Jeremy wanted to help in anyway he could, so he offered me his shoes, sadly he could only stand the gravel for so long, so I gave his shoes back. After the race was over, all I wanted to do was go home and sleep.

On the treck to the car I noticed my left foot was more sore than the right, I figured I had over done it, I was limping really bad at the end. I made it home, got some ice for my foot and layed down on my bed. Later that evening my brother invited us to go play board games with some friends. Jeremy and I went, I was in pain, lots of pain.

At the end of the night Jeremy practically carried me inside. I put my foot on ice and went to bed. The next morning my foot felt better, so we took the dogs to the dog park. That was to much for my foot, so I spent the rest of the day sitting on the couch. Jeremy told me to take it easy and rest my foot. On Monday the 4th I thought all my problems were solved, so again we took the dogs to the park, and again, it was to much, we went to a breakfast with Jeremy's parents, they encouraged me to go to the doctor to have my foot checked out. I ended up at the Insta-care where they took x-rays of my foot. The Dr. said that he couldnt see anything broken but would have the radiologist look at it tomorrow (today the 5th).

I told my manager that I would not be able to work today, and then spent more time sitting on the couch, and hobble from place to place.

This morning I receved a call from the clinic, as they said they would. It was the woman who took my x-rays. The radiologist had looked at my x-rays, turns out, I had a hairline fracture in my fifth metatarsal (the bone that connects the pinky toe to the ankle) the Dr. at the clinic gave me my very fashonable boot and told me that I would need to see an Orthopedist to make sure the fracture healed properly. I will be out of work until at least Thursday, when I go to see the Dr.

Fishing

Pesqué - (Pes kay) - Spanish Past personal conjugation of the verb pesquar, which means "to go fishing". Usage: Ayer pesqué en el rio. Yesterday I fished in the river. No direct diphthong in French or Italian, with or without the accent.

Hello World

Well, its April. It has been a while since I posted something, so, here I go again.

As mentioned in previous posts I have had issues with my weight, I did Weight Watchers for a while, and that worked untill I didnt count my points for the day. All of the weight I lost came back. I have counted calories and even have some awesome DVD's. In January I made some resolutions, they are as follows:

1) eat more fruits and veggies (at least one a day)

2) take care of myself (in honor of my Aunt Kathy)

3) have fun!

I started eating steel cut oats with some frozen fruits (I couldnt eat fresh fruit fast enough) eventually it became economical for us to start buying fresh fruit, and even some veggies. My breakfast was getting so big it didnt fit into a bowl anymore.

As I was trying to decide how to handle the issue at hand, I realized I could eat fruit for a snack durring the day. My snack right now is strawberries and greek yogurt, I wanted to try something new...I also read that it had a ton of protien (but alas...that may have to go due to calories).

I have also started to take note of my caloric intake and output. I did some research and found out I can burn anywhere between 1-2 possibly even 3 calories a minute durring a massage, so that is anywhere between 60-180 an hour. If I end up doing 5 massages a day, that could add up to 900 just for work. I think I burn about 250-300 a day on average. So I started to focus on protein and things to keep my energy up. Fruit is wonderful I have also (not as often) started to eat veggies in balsamic vinegar...yum...

All the way back last year I heard that one of my old school mates was teaching a fitness class. I hesitate telling people what kind of class because its not what it sounds like...she teaches pole fitness. Yeah its a GREAT work out, but her class is even more different that most, she calls it the JW Method. She made it on the front cover of this months issue of Pole-to-Pole. What she has us do is more like circut training, sit ups and push ups and pull ups...lots of ups...

if the girls in the class are lucky Jen has us do ONE spin, there is no dancing no booty shaking, pure strength training.

I guess I started about the same time I got married, I was for sure hooked. I was going once a week for a while, then Christmas happened and I fell out of the habit, she also has been trying to find a permenant location (I think she decided on a place in Fiesta Village...you know, by the Reams and what used to be Increadible Pets) I started up again one month ago, she charges $15 a class or, you can do a monthy pass for $100. I consulted with my husband and he said if I wanted to do the monthy pass that I could. I almost cried.

My first day was the last week of March...possibly the 29th. Two short weeks later, I noticed a difference. Not just the screaming of my muscles but the lack of jiggle from my mid section. The almost tone in my legs. I also felt stronger, I noticed my massage changing, in positions that normally made my arms shake I pushed into strong...and I just felt more solid. I even noticed bending over to pick up the dirty sheets I throw on the floor was easier. I work out at the gym four hours a week. I guess I caught the eye of one of the trainers. He told me over and over again that he loved my dedication. Today in class he asked if I had taken my before pictures, I said no, I also didnt have any measurements, all I have are clothes and weight. I have noticed a difference in the way I look, my tummy is tighter and things I had accepted would be there for ever, are melting away.

Last week I did a spin, it is called a Herkie http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herkie-The Herkie (aka Hurkie) is a cheerleading jump named after Lawrence Herkimer, the founder of the National Cheerleaders Association and former cheerleader at Southern Methodist University. This jump is similar to a side-hurdler and to the abstract (double hook), except instead of the bent leg's knee being pointed downward, it should be flat while the other leg is straight out to the side of the jumper.

I did my herkie and didnt have to hook my front ankle around the bar! I was actually holding myself in the spin!!! All the times before I would be whipping myself around, its ok if none of you have any idea what I am talking about. Anyway, Jen (the instructor) was very impressed, she said that she was 'discusted because it was so good' I was so new to pole and yet, I nailed it without any coaching from Jen.

Now my post has gotten very long, and it is late...thanks for reading also forgive spelling errors, I am sleepy

Creative Post Title

Today I would like to talk about life.

In massage school all of my teachers talked about being present. Paying attention to the muscles that you are working on. They called it 'listening'. I struggled with it. I was worried about doing the stroke right, looking at the clock, worried about the draping, my mind was everywhere.

One of the classes I took was Thai Chi. The instructors name was Clint. Clint is a hippie with long curly hair and a big bushy beard. His laugh is infectious, nobody doesnt love Clint. He was explaining Thai Chi to us and explained that it is meditation in motion. Thai Chi is what all the old people do in the park, slow moving weirdness. I love Thai Chi. Thai Chi also was the one way that got me out of my mind and into the present. Since the moves are done so slow it is close to impossible to think of anything else. Clint told me that if you are thinking about the next move before you have done it, you are moving to fast. He gave me a packet on meditation. I started to practice meditation, at first it was seconds that I could sit still and focus on my breathing. As I continued to practice it became longer and longer. I am still not very good at it, but, I am always improving.

I tried to put the practice of Thai Chi into my life. Standing in line with all of the angry people, I would take a few deep breaths and think about what kind of state my mind was in. Sure enough it was raging about everything. "Why isnt this line moving?!" "If they just got another person I would have been out of here 5 minutes ago!" I would stop and calm myself down, remind myself that I have been behind a counter working as hard as I could to keep the line moving faster. So I would breathe, focus on my posture, let my shoulders relax (they were next to my ears the first few times) un-clench my jaw, relax my forehead and accept the fact that I would be in line until I left. It made my life so wonderful. By the time I would get to the register I would be smiling and relaxed, the person would be fumbling for something and frantically apologizing, I would smile and tell them to relax. They would smile back and continue to help me very pleasantly and quickly.

While I was working at Starbucks one of my co-workers, Jaek, decided he would study buddhism, he then decided to put it into practice. Jaek is a wonderful person, he inspires me all the time to be a better person. I would watch him interact with people that I know he didnt like and smile the whole time. We would often talk about his practice and meditation. He started to go to the Zen Center for meditation. A few weeks ago I picked up some friends and took them to run some errands with me. A sound came from Jaeks phone and it got my attention. I asked him what it was, he told me it was his mindfulness tone. I was driving at the time and I noticed my shoulders were up around my ears (again) and I was in a hurry even though I had nowhere to be. I took some deep breaths and noticed it was a beautiful day, and I had just gotten paid. I smiled and asked him where he got it so I could get one too. I downloaded it for free from the android market. My mindfulness tone goes off about every half hour, it saves me all the time. Mostly when I am at home with my dogs trying to be the calm-assertive 'pack leader' without loosing my temper.

I would like to invite all of you to do the same, Jer makes fun of me for having the tone because it 'distracts' him. But that is the idea. To remind you to be present in whatever you are doing.

Also, Nate how are my paragraphs?

Bath time with dad...

So this evening I drew a hot bath to curl up in and do some studying for class later in the week. (On a side note, I think I've resolved on a dissertation topic, but that's beside the point.) The dogs came in to see what I was doing, since I had left one of the doors to the bathroom open. They would peek at me suspiciously from the other side of the bathroom, looking at me with a quizzical look in their eyes.

Part way through my bath Captain Blackbeard came by the tub and propped himself up on the edge to look at the water. A few short seconds later, he was in the tub with me, curled up in my lap. I couldn't contain my laughter and had to have Annie come in to see the soaking wet cairn. He wouldn't leave the tub, so I pulled the stopper and let the water drain out. Captain stood at attention and watched the drain, trying to figure out what this previously inconspicuous beast was that was noisily gobbling up his warm water. Only after the water was gone, and a few dull rumbles were coming from the pipe did Captain allow his mom to pick him up and bundle him into the towels.

A few minutes later I sit on the couch typing this. Captain just hopped in the tub one more time to investigate, but found that the drain beast had fallen silent.

Mercifully, there are no photos.

Dogs and Family

Breakfast time wasn't terribly long ago for the kids dogs (which is terrifying since I know that by the time I post this, we'll be well into lunchtime). We have to feed them separately on account of their wildly different eating behavior which means that if left to their own devices, one would be dying of starvation while the other would roughly have the figure of a basketball.

First came feeding our oldest (or at least the one that has been in our family the longest) dog, Captain Blackbeard. Getting him to eat is always a bit of a challenge. I have to physically position him in front of his bowl and make him stand over it like a child in time out until he gets the message that its time to eat. Its almost as if he feels like he needs to think about what he's done long before he can swallow a mouthful. I could be wrong, maybe he's saying grace and I just don't have any respect, but we'll leave that for someone else to decide. Invariably, Captain leaves about half of his food behind when he's been eating. Then you lead him back to his bowl, and once again he leaves half and walks away. On a good day we repeat this pattern until he is only leaving about 12.5% of his breakfast behind.

Our second dog, Ein is the exact opposite. I have to physically bar her from the kitchen until the food is on the floor. This morning she sat at the door of the kitchen with her head on the linoleum floor and a great puddle of drool expanding underneath her chin. The dog was visibly shivering with excitement by the time I finally invited her into the kitchen to have some breakfast. Doggie seizures of joy! At that point, she began wolfing down her food as quickly as she could, not even stopping long enough to chew the bite that was in her mouth. About half way through her breakfast, she choked herself on un-chewed food and began hacking and wheezing over the dish. Rather than stopping, she resolved the gagging by piling more food on over the top of it, evidently clearing the clog in her throat by force of additional un-chewed food being thrust into her gullet at critical velocity.

It occurred to me that living with dogs like this with such vastly different personalities is like living with my extended family. My mother-in-law, for example, has to think about eating something for a while. It sits on the counter and waits for her, while she wanders around the kitchen; either trying to decipher the rumbling in her tummy, or more likely taking care of the rest of us. Then, when she finally does decide to eat, she invariably cuts the item in half, consumes half, and leaves the other on the counter for later.

Meanwhile, poor Ein eats like my mother does many things in her life. Right after we were married Annie and I went on a vacation with my folks, and dad had over-exerted himself with a little too much hiking on one day of the trip. Mom's response was, "You know what would help you feel better? More hiking!"

Choking on your breakfast that you tried to swallow whole? You know what would fix that? More breakfast! Or, we could go with the other side of the family's solution, and just cut it in half and leave it be.

Epiphany

As I was getting ready for work this morning I had an epiphany and I feel like I should share it with you. I have always had a bad body image. I have no idea where it came from. I have started a new job and meeting new people. One day last week I noticed one of my co-workers profiles. I am the ripe old age of 24 and 3/4 ;) She is my age, maybe a few years younger, but not much. What I noticed was her behind. Instantly I thought 'her butt looks like my butt' . Excuse me while I digress. My behind has been described by many (men and women) as 'cute' some have called it a 'booty' my nick-name in Jr. High was 'hot-buns'....you get the idea. As the day went on I noticed my reflection in one of the many full-length mirrors at work. My behind did not look like hers. It looked....different. It is not saggy (yet) but it is not as 'bubbly' as hers, 'maybe it is my pants, they are a little big' I thought. My day quickly ended and I went home, and changed into my comfy clothes (sweatpants and a tank top) and yet again looked in the mirror. Alas. My ass was still different. I started to worry, and thought about counting calories, maybe I should do weight watchers again. But life happened and I tried not to notice my butt. Then. Today it hit me. Let me just say I am no playboy bunny. I have a womans body. Not a 25 year old body but the body that comes with the joy of motherhood. When I was young I was petite, I did not fit into the clothes at 'Limited Too' until I was 13. I might have fit into a 00 then. I remember one Christmas my mom had purchased me some very cute pants, in the size I was wearing at that time. By the time I got to put them on I had grown out of that size. I didnt understand. I didnt gain any weight. My pants didnt fit. I struggled with the idea that I needed bigger pants. As time went on I accepted that size (I didnt stay there long) I came to rest in my size 7 pants, I figured that is where I would stay. The 'powers that be' had different plans. I watched my body that was no longer my own change once again. I watched my belly grow. At first my jeans felt tight, then they were tight, then, they were uncomfortable, I did the 'rubberband trick' then that stopped working. I cried as I bought maternity jeans. I bought one pair. Eventually they didnt fit. After I had my baby I watched my breasts fill with milk making my D cups become monsters. I didnt wear a bra until my milk dried up, about two weeks. I lost a cup size, I was 21 with saggy boobs. Once again, my body changed. It was mine again, but it was shrivled, and stretched. As always time passed (thank goodness) and my body 'normalized' . Slowly my stomach began to shrink, my breasts firmed up. I lost the baby weight, and then gained it back, and then some. At my largest I weighed 200 lbs. I was determined to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight of 130, size 7. I would loose weight and then gain it back, and then loose it and gain it back. Then, today, It dawned on me. I will never again wear a size 7. I will probably not weigh 130 ever again, unless I am very sick. After some time passes, my body will change once again, with every pregnancy, and eventualy with menopause. Then again, as I age. So if you have continued reading this, I realized that most of my body image issues acutally stem from very natural changes that I had never even thought of. So, no I do not have a 'booty' anymore, I dont know what I have...but I think I am finally ok with it.

Sushi for Breakfast

It began so innocently, with the noblest of intentions....

My lovely wife and I are broke. In fact, we've accelerated past broke, and probably are approaching "brizzoke". This has reached the point where I've started to economize, and for those who aren't familiar with a Jeremy who is wondering how he will make rent at the end of the month, that means that I have reached a sufficient level of panic that I find myself thinking, "You shouldn't drink that soda. There are only two left and they need to last." Eating out is a luxury on the par with leasing a new Lexus, or departing on a spontaneous trans-Atlantic cruise.

This morning I left the apartment, thinking to myself that I didn't want to drink one of the last four Dr. Peppers in the place, after all, the soda has to last. I didn't grab breakfast, thinking that I could hold out until lunch, teach my classes, and be able to go home and eat something there....maybe ramen, soup, or something else I can whip together quickly.

First, the thirst came. I needed to cross the campus to submit some paperwork (in an unrelated aside, I've finally finished all of the paperwork for Fall Semester of 2010, and can now start working on the current term) in the beaurocratic heart of the University. The Student Services building never ceases to amaze me, as it has the same dehumanizing effect on me now as a graduate student and teaching fellow that it had on me as a new student at the school. The building and its staff tend to silently scream at you that you don't matter, you are just another body going through the turnstile. Take your form and wait your turn.

On the way back, I stopped at the Union, thinking that perhaps I would cave and indulge in a Coke or a Dr. Pepper. Even in hard times, $1.50 is not an unheard-of indulgence. That was when I saw the sign.

It beaconed to me like a siren, luring my ship to be dashed upon its rocky shores. For those unfamiliar, sushi has its own aesthetic; good sushi having been well rolled, beautifully cut,  and precisely arranged into a visual feast comparable its flavor. Seeing well made sushi evokes a visceral reaction that is difficult to describe; a gnawing hunger in the pit of one's stomach that can only be filled in a singular way.

Naturally, the packaged product does not approach the signage, but almost without thinking I discover myself in my office once again, eating spicy shrimp rolls while sipping on a Mexican Coca-Cola (the one with the real sugar made all the more flavorful by its real glass bottle). Suddenly, I find myself realizing that I'm now $8.00 poorer, and the nagging hole in pit of my stomach that was opened by that cursed sign has not been filled. I am instead a man who tried to stop a tidal wave with a handful of corks out of old wine bottles; having plunged the available tool into the deluge, only to find them completely useless at stemming the tide of hunger. I need real sushi. The kind you see in the pictures. I need it soon.

 Ladies and gentlemen, I have had unfulfilling sushi for breakfast. Now I have to figure out how to break it to the wife....

Whats the story morning glory?

The new people we meet always ask how we met. So, here it goes. I was in high school and my oldest brothers friend "Jeremy" was moving to Colorado, it was sad. I may have even cried. High school finished and I was stuck with the daunting task of trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life. I ended up at massage. It was a way to help people, I wouldnt be stuck in an office all day. I started to look at schools around town. My mom suggested possibly moving away for school. She was thinking Northern Utah, maybe St. George, Southern Utah. I was thinking California. My family had taken a trip to Vail, Colorado a few years before, Colorado was close enough to Utah. I decided Colorado would be a good choice. I started massage school in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Jer found out that I was moving to Colorado and we started talking more and more. I started to think about him alot. He was a really nice guy and, very cute :) So, I moved to Colorado and we spent some time together. I was 18, Jer was 27, and thinking about settling down and having a family. That scared me. So we stopped seeing each other as much. Life went on for both of us. School was going on famously, I had started dating a few guys. I was even engaged (1st time out of 3) . But that didnt go well. His name was Andy. He was bi-polar and un meddicated. It made the relationship hard. I broke up with him, and at that same time found out I was pregnant. I ended up placing her with some very wonderful people Jenna and Jon. They named my baby Paisley. She will be five in a few weeks. After all of that insanity I married my first husband Brad. We were married for almost two years. Brad and I were divorced June of 2009. The same year my Dads mother died April 15th Tax Day, and my Mothers sister attempted to commited suicide in late July, she later died in September. But that is another story for another day. As I tried to pull the fragments of my life back together I started to re-think everything. All of my relationships had crashed and burned, but I thought back to Jeremy, maybe we could have a shot again. I found him on facebook and was silently stalking him. I noticed he still lived in Colorado. Watching what he was doing, who he was hanging out with, if he was dating anyone. I noticed he had a going away party...but where was he going? I spotted a picture of a cake, that had the University of Utah logo on it. I was stunned. "Was he really coming back?" I asked myself. I sent him a message that was short and sweet. "hi jer, its annie, i was just thinking about what went on between us. I see you are moving back to utah. Swing by my starbucks and say hi, or dont no hard feelings." Jer replied and told me it would be nice to catch up but warned me that he was very different from what I probably remembered. We decided to meet and catch up anyway, and the rest is history. Well, maybe not. We were attatched at the hip from that day on. We talked about life and what we wanted out of it. As it turns out we wanted similar things. My family was talking about taking a trip in March of 2010 to Disneyworld I really wanted to go and so did Jer. But I couldnt afford it. To my surprize Jer offered to pay for me to go. He also told me he would propose there, but he kept it a secret when he would actually pop the question. Just as I was accepting the fact that he had gotten cold feet he dropped to his feet and asked me to marry him, in the middle of the fireworks display as Tinkerbell flew across the sky. I said yes and everyone around us cheered. Then began the 'wedding' plans. I didnt want a big wedding, and to everyones astonishment neither did Jer. The idea was to go to a beach somewhere and come back married. That plan soon went out the window when our parents heard the plan. So we comprimised and decided to go down to the court house and invite our parents. July 8th 2010, was the day we got married, we even threw a small bash after. Joe (one of my four brothers) and his wife Emily could not make it into town for the day so we threw a 'reception' in October when they were in town. It was small but awesome, just like we wanted, surrounded by friends and family.

Back to Basics

I've been reading a lot of Richard Williams the last few days (over the winter break) and decided that I needed to pull back and play with some very basic animation techniques. This is all just 2d animation...nice because all I had to do was draw a circle and a background.

Its proved to be an interesting trial...I think the general pacing is good, but there is a little bit of lag in the bounces. I'd like those to have some more snap. Next trial sometime soon.

How to convince your wife...

Its bedtime. It's probably been bedtime for a while now. We really should have gone to sleep a while ago, but lets face it, I'm not exactly the best influence thanks to the winter break. Tomorrow morning is going to come and there is a very good chance that my poor groggy girl is going to stumble out of bed at "still dark outside o clock" and I'm going to have a very hard time convincing myself not to just roll over and go back to sleep. After all, my faculty meetings don't start until 2:00 tomorrow afternoon, so theoretically I could sleep in until then.

So here we sit, watching documentaries on DVD, and we've both succumbed to the siren's call of the internet.

The eternal conundrum....how do I convince the wife that its bedtime, when really I want to suck every last waking second out of the last few days I have with her before I go back to working two jobs and being a full time student....